I’m Not Beating Myself Up

Oops!  The old me showed up again yesterday.  How annoying!  It had seemed like the perfect plan, but the only flaw was that it was a lie.  Almost as soon as the lie was out of my mouth, my spirit began speaking to me about the need to be sincere, transparent, pure-hearted, honest, and above reproach at all times.

But—it would be so much easier to just keep up the pretense—she’ll never know.

Go tell her the truth.

But—this early in our relationship?  She’ll never trust me.

Confess the lie.

But—how do I tell her I lied?

Just do it!

So at the very first opportunity, I went and confessed the lie.  I asked for forgiveness and promised never to lie to her again.  Instead of suspicion, doubt, and anger—all of which I deserved—I got grace, pardon, and understanding from someone who barely knows me.

I used to be a liar, BC—a big liar.  Lying was such a habit that I would lie even when the truth would have served me better.  And it wasn’t easy to overcome that habit.  It was the toughest test of character I’ve ever gone through.  Here’s what it took to overcome habitual lying:  whenever I heard a lie come out of my mouth, I would stop myself and say, “Wait!  That’s not true.”  And then tell the truth—even when it hurt.  After several months of that, I became the truthful person that I am today.

So how did this happen?  Fear.  And fear is the opposite of faith.  It takes faith and courage to tell the truth in all circumstances.  I’ve been told that I’m a brave person to have moved to Italy by myself.  I used to think that they just don’t know how scared I am sometimes.  But then I realized that courage isn’t the absence of fear.  Courage is not letting fear stop you—even stop you from telling the truth in all circumstances.

Courage is also being brave enough to reveal yourself, flaws and all, to your friends.  Thank you, my friends, for bearing with me and my flaws.  Your encouragement helps me to be my best self.

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