I woke up early this morning from a dream in which my ex-husband and I were in a living room somewhere. I don’t remember details, but in the dream I felt only compassion and agape love for him.
He had been verbally abusive to me, and had betrayed and hurt me very badly (emotionally). When I left him, I was literally running for my life, being in grave danger from suicidal thoughts. Since then we have had no contact and I’ve had no contact with his family, either. There is no hope for reconciliation of the marriage, but I had hoped for reconciliation for the sake of our sons (at some point in the future, there is the possibility that our paths could cross at an important life event, like the wedding of one of our sons. If that happens, I would like for it to be a pleasant meeting).
This past fall, I was traveling in Texas, and specifically through the town where he lives with another woman. On passing through that town, I had hoped not to run into him. That night God gave me a dream in which I was reassured that I would not run into him.
This dream of compassion for my ex revealed to me that I have truly forgiven him, and hold no bitterness or resentment against him. Not long ago, I had received two prophecies which were fulfilled (at least in part) by this dream of forgiveness. The first one that came to mind was given to me just about a month ago:
Do you feel My expression of joy over you? If you do, then you know that I have been with you, that I have spoken to you, and I have encouraged you. So, let this moment rest upon you as the mantle of anointing for the season that is ahead. I would have you embrace the season that is ahead. I would have you embrace this season with joy and faith. And, I would have you to march forward in triumph because you know that you will win the battles that are necessary. You will receive your reward in this season. For, I have chosen this time to demonstrate My love for you by the giving of gifts, says the Lord God Almighty, (emphasis mine).
And before I go on to the second one, I’ll explain that part about the “battles that are necessary.” We tend to think of battles at Christmastime as being a battle against your negative cousin Daisy or crabby old uncle Clyde. But I have been fighting a different kind of battle these days. That battle is against myself—specifically, the old mindset that hears criticism and turns it into self-condemnation, among others. In the book mentioned in my last blog post (A More Excellent Way to be in Health by Henry Wright), old mindsets like mine actually are far more sinister, sometimes causing disease through the sin (separation from God) that they reveal themselves to be. So I have been praying and working through these old mindsets, bringing negative thinking and self-condemnation into line with God’s Word.
The other prophecy was the one I wrote about in my post The Table:
God says that He has put a big Table before you, and it is full of everything you could ever want or need.
I had become overwhelmed by the task of speaking to the American churches about missions in Europe. I began desperately to seek the Lord, weeping and begging for Him to show up. Then I remembered the table full of everything I could ever want or need. And I said, “Lord, the gifts are great, but I don’t want any gifts! I want You! I need You!” Then God spoke, and in a very tender voice He said: “My child, I am in every gift! I am on the table! Every gift is simply more of Me! Why do you think I keep inviting you to take everything you need, everything you want from the table? Because I am everything that is on the table! Take all you want of Me!”
In reflecting on the dream and that prophecy—especially the part about gifts—I realized that God had indeed given me a gift: more of himself. Every time I win the battle against my flesh, I take on more of His likeness—thank You, Father! It’s a bit big, but I hope to grow into it! God is good!