crying | Walking By Faith in Europe

Oh, poor little me!

The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Messiah, (Acts 5:41-42, emphasis mine).

This passage always blows my mind, how the apostles rejoiced because they were persecuted. This was in today’s reading in my “read through the New Testament in 1 year” reading on Bible Gateway.

The first time I wrote about this passage was 2 years ago during my Faith Trip (recounted day-by-day in my book Look, Listen, Love). At the time I had been waiting for over a week in a nice apartment by the beach in Abruzzo—oh poor little me, right? Well, it was a struggle for me because I was anxious to go join Jesus is the Answer in Romania. I had stayed overnight with JITA in Tuscany a few weeks previously in one of their containers. They travel throughout Europe (and other parts of the world) in tricked-out containers, sharing Jesus under a big circus tent through street entertainment or compassion work (depending on the area). In Tuscany it was largely entertainment evangelism, but in Romania it would be compassion work. I wanted to get out and share the Gospel, which I had thought was important for the Faith Trip. But God wanted to do some interior work on me, which was the true objective of the Faith Trip. Since the Faith Trip had been His idea, and since He’s, well, God!, obviously, He got his way. But meanwhile I cried and whined like a big baby. It’s embarrassing!

Home Sweet Container!

So God used this passage from Acts to give me some true perspective. I thought I was suffering for my faith. No, darling, here’s what true suffering looks like, and here’s how a saint endures suffering: rejoicing!

Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their ancestors treated the prophets, (Luke 6:22-23, emphasis mine).

Since that time I’ve gained more understanding about persecution. Last year I read Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand—right before visiting southern Hungary. I heard Pastor H. Koraćs Gėza speak in a church while I was there. Pastor Gėza had been a pastor under Communism, and having just read Tortured for Christ, I felt moved to apologize for the fact that my country had done nothing to help the situation of Christians under Communism. Pastor Gėza responded that Christianity had actually flourished under Communism. He said that the Church faces a far more dangerous enemy today: complacency. I realized that he’s right.

I’ve heard of missionaries who told an underground Chinese house church that they’re praying for democracy. The Chinese told them: “Please stop! The church is growing under persecution.”

In fact, throughout church history, Christianity has always thrived under persecution. It wasn’t until Christianity was legalized in the 3^rd century under Emperor Constantine that the gifts of the Holy Spirit began to decline.

Even before that, all throughout the book of Judges, you can see that when they enjoyed prosperity, Israel forgot about the Lord. Then God allowed trouble to come, the people repented and sought the Lord, and the Lord blessed them. And the cycle started all over again.

So today’s Bible reading was a reminder that when the going gets tough, Christianity thrives, even if Christians are experiencing temporary difficulties, trouble, or persecution. If we take a moment to consider, everything that happens in this life is temporary.

This morning I got a message from a dear friend who is right in the middle of persecution by people around her and attacks from the enemy, as well. Here’s what I wrote to her (hope it helps you, too!):

There are 2 times when the devil attacks believers:

When he sees that God has blessed you and used you mightily; and

When he sees that God is about to bless you and use you mightily.

The first comes after the blessing, and the other comes before the blessing. So when the enemy attacks you, start to praise God for those blessings that have been or are coming. Nothing makes him back away from you like praise. And praise salted with tears is precious to the Lord. He will bless you even more for praise that comes from your brokenness. Why? Because praising God in your brokenness takes faith! Without faith it is impossible to please God.

And remember, it’s all temporary! Oh, yes, and God is good!

I was going through my computer documents and, I came across the following piece that I had written in October 2011, while I was at the 24/7 worship celebration of the Feast of Tabernacles in Poland.

A theme that kept recurring during that weeklong celebration was The Table. About six months before I went to Poland I was in Alessandria, Italy, visiting a small church there. My friend, Pastor Matteo, was guest-preaching that evening, and after the sermon he gave three altar calls:

For anyone wanting to receive God’s free gift of salvation in Jesus Christ
For anyone needing healing or other prayers
For anyone wanting more from God

At that third invitation I leaped to my feet. Pastor Domenico and his wife prayed for me, and then he told me: “God says that He has put a big Table before you, and it is full of everything you could ever want or need.” Then he added, “But of course, you need to share with God’s people.” He didn’t need to add that because it is my heart to share with God’s people.

So in Poland six months later, when there were several teachings that mentioned The Table, I knew that I had to share the Word that God had given me through Pastor Domenico. And when I did, I told the people there that I believe The Table is for all of us, not just me. And the next day, the following is what I wrote:

Last night the French team was leading worship and I suddenly became overwhelmed and scared by the task ahead of me: five months of speaking to churches and at conferences all over the US about missions in Europe. And I said, “God, if You don’t help me, I’m in big trouble because I don’t know what I’m doing! I need You! I need You! I need You!” And I began to cry in my desperate need for God.

I tried to calm down a bit, but then the thought came: “If Europe’s future depends on me, then Europe is in big trouble.” Of course I know that Europe’s future does not depend on me, but such is my burden and call for Europe that I cried even harder because it wasn’t my own embarrassment and failure, but Europe and her missionaries. So I cried and cried some more. While the French team was singing songs of love and praise to God, I was weeping from a broken heart for Europe. And I continued to beg God: “I need You! I need You! I need You!”

Finally, I calmed down, remembering the table full of everything I could ever want or need. And I said, “Lord, the gifts are great, but I don’t want any gifts! I want You! I need You!” And I began to cry a third time from my desperate need for God.

Then God spoke, and in a very tender voice He said: “My child, I am in every gift! I am on the table! Every gift is simply more of Me! Why do you think I keep inviting you to take everything you need, everything you want from the table? Because I am everything that is on the table! Take all you want of Me!” And I said: “Lord, I want ALL of You!”

And I saw myself dropping all the things I had been holding onto: the desire for a home, the desire for a godly husband to share my life, the desire to spend more time with my new grandchild. These things that I had thought were so important, I just let them go. And I said, “Now I’m ready, and I want only You, and ALL of You!”

And after that I was exhausted. So when the team leader took the French team back to the hotel, I went with them. And I slept and dreamed:

Fire came down from Heaven and suddenly I clearly saw the way to go, but I held back because there was someone else there and I thought that person should lead. But that person couldn’t see the way to go, so I had to lead.

Then I woke up. There was my answer! God will lead me during my five month speaking tour in the US!

And now, four months after my speaking tour of the US has ended, I can say that it went very well, but not because of me. I spent at least an hour in prayer before each speaking engagement, yielding myself, and asking the Holy Spirit to speak through me. And from those speaking engagements, I got several more intercessors, which is a very precious gift, indeed!

God is good!