I was going through my computer documents and, I came across the following piece that I had written in October 2011, while I was at the 24/7 worship celebration of the Feast of Tabernacles in Poland.
A theme that kept recurring during that weeklong celebration was The Table. About six months before I went to Poland I was in Alessandria, Italy, visiting a small church there. My friend, Pastor Matteo, was guest-preaching that evening, and after the sermon he gave three altar calls:
- For anyone wanting to receive God’s free gift of salvation in Jesus Christ
- For anyone needing healing or other prayers
- For anyone wanting more from God
At that third invitation I leaped to my feet. Pastor Domenico and his wife prayed for me, and then he told me: “God says that He has put a big Table before you, and it is full of everything you could ever want or need.” Then he added, “But of course, you need to share with God’s people.” He didn’t need to add that because it is my heart to share with God’s people.
So in Poland six months later, when there were several teachings that mentioned The Table, I knew that I had to share the Word that God had given me through Pastor Domenico. And when I did, I told the people there that I believe The Table is for all of us, not just me. And the next day, the following is what I wrote:
Last night the French team was leading worship and I suddenly became overwhelmed and scared by the task ahead of me: five months of speaking to churches and at conferences all over the US about missions in Europe. And I said, “God, if You don’t help me, I’m in big trouble because I don’t know what I’m doing! I need You! I need You! I need You!” And I began to cry in my desperate need for God.
I tried to calm down a bit, but then the thought came: “If Europe’s future depends on me, then Europe is in big trouble.” Of course I know that Europe’s future does not depend on me, but such is my burden and call for Europe that I cried even harder because it wasn’t my own embarrassment and failure, but Europe and her missionaries. So I cried and cried some more. While the French team was singing songs of love and praise to God, I was weeping from a broken heart for Europe. And I continued to beg God: “I need You! I need You! I need You!”
Finally, I calmed down, remembering the table full of everything I could ever want or need. And I said, “Lord, the gifts are great, but I don’t want any gifts! I want You! I need You!” And I began to cry a third time from my desperate need for God.
Then God spoke, and in a very tender voice He said: “My child, I am in every gift! I am on the table! Every gift is simply more of Me! Why do you think I keep inviting you to take everything you need, everything you want from the table? Because I am everything that is on the table! Take all you want of Me!” And I said: “Lord, I want ALL of You!”
And I saw myself dropping all the things I had been holding onto: the desire for a home, the desire for a godly husband to share my life, the desire to spend more time with my new grandchild. These things that I had thought were so important, I just let them go. And I said, “Now I’m ready, and I want only You, and ALL of You!”
And after that I was exhausted. So when the team leader took the French team back to the hotel, I went with them. And I slept and dreamed:
Fire came down from Heaven and suddenly I clearly saw the way to go, but I held back because there was someone else there and I thought that person should lead. But that person couldn’t see the way to go, so I had to lead.
Then I woke up. There was my answer! God will lead me during my five month speaking tour in the US!
And now, four months after my speaking tour of the US has ended, I can say that it went very well, but not because of me. I spent at least an hour in prayer before each speaking engagement, yielding myself, and asking the Holy Spirit to speak through me. And from those speaking engagements, I got several more intercessors, which is a very precious gift, indeed!
God is good!