Getting Over Myself

One of the hardest things to do when I pray, especially Centering Prayer, is getting over myself.  I wrote about Centering Prayer (also called Contemplative Prayer or Christian Meditation) in my recent post, Prayerlife Revolution: https://europeanfaithmissions.wordpress.com/2012/07/10/prayerlife-revolution/.  God showed me a handy tool, a place to put those pesky thoughts about myself that intrude when I’m trying to focus on Him.  This tool is The Table.

I wrote about The Table in the likewise named post: https://europeanfaithmissions.wordpress.com/2012/07/11/the-table/.  But in that post I didn’t give the full history of The Table.  I’ve actually seen The Table, or at least a description of it.  If you follow this link and scroll to the bottom of the last page, you can see a drawing of what The Table looks like:

EZEKIELS_TEMP25

The Table came to my attention as a rhema word that God had given me many years ago.  [A rhema word is a word from the Bible specifically for you.]  At that time my son was living on his own and experiencing many difficulties including losing his job and losing his apartment.  Without an apartment, he also didn’t have a phone where we could call him.  After not hearing from him for a couple of months, worry plagued me so badly that I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t function.

Early one morning after another sleepless night I was having my regular Bible and prayer time.  At the time I was reading through the Bible for the sixth or seventh time, so that day’s passage was one I had read before.  It was in Ezekiel, where the angel is leading Ezekiel through the Temple in Heaven.  The angel is measuring and explaining everything, and Ezekiel is writing it all down.  Then in chapter 41 they enter the Holy of Holies where there is a wooden altar.  In verse 22 the angel says to Ezekiel, “This is the table that is before the Lord.”  Those words jumped off the page, and God told me: “Put him on The Table and leave him with Me.”

It sounds easy to do, but relinquishing control like that is actually pretty hard, and in those days (about 17 years ago) my faith was still in its young phase.  When I finally did put him on The Table, I released him so completely to God that I literally left him there for dead.

Instantly, peace flooded my heart.  Every time I started to worry again, I put him back on The Table.  A few days later, he finally called, with the news that he had gotten a job and found a place to live.

The Table has become my place to put those things that plague me: worries, people I love, and all the things that are out of my control.  When I have thoughts that pester me and try to draw my attention away from God, I do two things simultaneously:

1. I softly sing the chorus to “I stand in Awe of You” (http://www.lyricstime.com/hillsong-i-stand-in-awe-of-you-lyrics.html), which helps get my focus back to God
2. I put the distracting thought on The Table

Distracting thoughts are almost always focused on myself.  Lately, I’ve gotten a few prophecies from various sources, saying the same thing: get over yourself.  If you want to receive more from God, get over yourself.

I don’t just want to receive more from God, I want it ALL.  The Table is full of blessings, healing, renewed relationships, guidance, provision, etc.  God is in each gift that is on The Table.  He is on The Table.  We are invited to come take whatever we need from The Table.  And The Table is also a place where we can leave those worries, people, and thoughts that trouble us—a place to get over ourselves.  So for me, The Table is also where I can get over myself.

God is good!

The Table

I was going through my computer documents and, I came across the following piece that I had written in October 2011, while I was at the 24/7 worship celebration of the Feast of Tabernacles in Poland.

A theme that kept recurring during that weeklong celebration was The Table.  About six months before I went to Poland I was in Alessandria, Italy, visiting a small church there.  My friend, Pastor Matteo, was guest-preaching that evening, and after the sermon he gave three altar calls:

1. For anyone wanting to receive God’s free gift of salvation in Jesus Christ
2. For anyone needing healing or other prayers
3. For anyone wanting more from God

At that third invitation I leaped to my feet.  Pastor Domenico and his wife prayed for me, and then he told me: “God says that He has put a big Table before you, and it is full of everything you could ever want or need.”  Then he added, “But of course, you need to share with God’s people.”  He didn’t need to add that because it is my heart to share with God’s people.

So in Poland six months later, when there were several teachings that mentioned The Table, I knew that I had to share the Word that God had given me through Pastor Domenico.  And when I did, I told the people there that I believe The Table is for all of us, not just me.  And the next day, the following is what I wrote:

Last night the French team was leading worship and I suddenly became overwhelmed and scared by the task ahead of me: five months of speaking to churches and at conferences all over the US about missions in Europe.  And I said, “God, if You don’t help me, I’m in big trouble because I don’t know what I’m doing!  I need You!  I need You!  I need You!”  And I began to cry in my desperate need for God.

I tried to calm down a bit, but then the thought came: “If Europe’s future depends on me, then Europe is in big trouble.”  Of course I know that Europe’s future does not depend on me, but such is my burden and call for Europe that I cried even harder because it wasn’t my own embarrassment and failure, but Europe and her missionaries.  So I cried and cried some more.  While the French team was singing songs of love and praise to God, I was weeping from a broken heart for Europe.  And I continued to beg God: “I need You!  I need You!  I need You!”

Finally, I calmed down, remembering the table full of everything I could ever want or need.  And I said, “Lord, the gifts are great, but I don’t want any gifts!  I want You!  I need You!”  And I began to cry a third time from my desperate need for God.

Then God spoke, and in a very tender voice He said: “My child, I am in every gift!  I am on the table!  Every gift is simply more of Me!  Why do you think I keep inviting you to take everything you need, everything you want from the table?  Because I am everything that is on the table!  Take all you want of Me!”  And I said: “Lord, I want ALL of You!”

And I saw myself dropping all the things I had been holding onto: the desire for a home, the desire for a godly husband to share my life, the desire to spend more time with my new grandchild.  These things that I had thought were so important, I just let them go.  And I said, “Now I’m ready, and I want only You, and ALL of You!”

And after that I was exhausted.  So when the team leader took the French team back to the hotel, I went with them.  And I slept and dreamed:

Fire came down from Heaven and suddenly I clearly saw the way to go, but I held back because there was someone else there and I thought that person should lead.  But that person couldn’t see the way to go, so I had to lead.

Then I woke up.  There was my answer!  God will lead me during my five month speaking tour in the US!

And now, four months after my speaking tour of the US has ended, I can say that it went very well, but not because of me.  I spent at least an hour in prayer before each speaking engagement, yielding myself, and asking the Holy Spirit to speak through me.  And from those speaking engagements, I got several more intercessors, which is a very precious gift, indeed!

God is good!